I know. You're reading the title and you're thinking, "wow, he's really open like a book." My whole point of creating this blog was to be real with my readers and to let them know that I am just like everyone else. For the last several years, I struggled with very chronic symptoms of depression. At one point it was so bad, I couldn't even process getting out of bed and I spent a majority of time in my room hiding from a world that I was afraid of.
You might be thinking, this kid has nothing to be depressed about, what's his problem? Well, let me give you some background information. My mother passed away back in 2008 when I just started 8th grade. At the time, I never really processed what was going on and kept a lot of my feelings under the rug. I thought that doing this made me stronger and not talking about it or showing emotion was a way to fight through the pain. Flash forward to 2012 and I nearly had a very public melt down. Everything I once knew was crashing around me and high school graduation was just around the corner. What was I to do? Who was I to become? I perceived myself already as someone who could never accomplish much because I believed what many had told me throughout my life. As if those words marked anchors on my soul and core being. It was so bad that I wrote several notes to friends and family because I wasn't sure if living was worth it anymore.
After spending months sleeping and moving on auto-pilot through my life to numb the emotions I was suppressing, I broke down in early 2016. My birthday was here and I had no desire to even have one because to me, I wasn't worth the time. After crying and sobbing for over an hour, something very magical happened. Oprah came on the tv. Now, I was always an avid watcher of hers, but she had a special episode on recreating and reinventing ourselves. I saw this as a divine right, a sign that I was to follow and to create a better life for myself and others. After taking a very deep breath, I announced that I was going to change things and start letting go of my past. After a very hard 8 months of digging into deep rooted problems, I've been transforming my life completely and letting things that plagued me go. Now, I didn't want to make this blog post just about me. I know many out there are struggling and they don't know where to turn or how to deal with this and that my story is highly unusual. I'm hear to tell you that things get so much better when we open ourselves up to new possibilities. We have the power to completely change and redirect our lives at any point. Over 10 months ago, I was close to 300 pounds, I had little money saved, lost my truck, and felt closed in a door. Today, I am so grateful. I have lost over 60 pounds, I am in a better financial situation, I have a working car, and now I'm working on helping others through this work. I hope to change many peoples lives like I've changed mine. I believe together we can make 2017 the best year yet, it has already changed me completely.